I feel overwhelmed by the things I enjoy. I don't deserve all these, yet I cannot pull myself out of this life either. I guess this feel shares some similarities with the impostor syndrome, except that I am nowhere near high-achieving, and what I cannot swallow is the luck I have.
I am sometimes stressed, obliged to repay the love I have received and the kindness I have taken advantage of. I did not choose my upbringing, and I don't have my background to blame when I fail. It is so selfish and wicked for me to even have this thought.
I don't want to be in debt. But I have grown up and lived with it for my whole life, and I am spoiled beyond remedy. I might as well learn how to ignore the guilt and enjoy my lucky life.