Apathy

I forget my friends after a while. No matter how close we are, or what relationship we have, I just cannot keep the emotions in my memory. Even family members fade out of my mind after some separated time.

Occasionally in my life, when engaged in a prolonged and deep relationship, I break down in a silent but disastrous way, causing catastrophe in which people around me are hurt and scarred.

I worry about my difference. I do not feel the same in any relationship. I do not feel sad enough over a lost person in life, however close to me.

I do not understand love. I cannot find someone who recognizes and treats relationships like I do. I fear that by engaging in another life, I occupy their mental territory as a dead weight, just like how I see others in mine.

I am not sure how to treat loneliness or whether such treatment is necessary. I am not sure how to love or befriend others, but these seem to be something significant in one's life.

I am in search of something that cannot exist: a companion that understands me without time and communication.