Need for Momentum

I need to feel like I am doing something. Not necessary meaningful tasks or achievements, but working.

I have lost track of my goals and my responsibilities. My self worth hinges on them, and now I am more ashamed of myself than ever. It is apparent to me that I will not achieve anything useful or respected going on like this. And I cannot help it but fool myself with errands and hobbies.

I feel like I worth nothing. I really do not deserve all I have gotten, and all those beautiful things that I cherish and admire are so far away. I would never be able to pay back or pay forward the debt. Nor return the favors.

I am a cheater and a liar. I want to go on like this, and live a worry-free life on others' money. I want to reap all the benefits and the perks without paying the hard work and time. I am doomed.